Unbroken Spirit 2025.

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Staring at my phone, with every vibrate and every tone, I would rush to it, thinking you were coming home.

My heart would begin intently beating, suddenly, I would have difficulty breathing, my brow would start to slightly sweat, allowing me temporarily to forget all the troubles we had seen, only to pick it up, and feel the disappointing silence that would appear on my screen. I would stand there motionless, wondering why you had gone. We had a small fight, as any couple might, but you got up and left. For eight months, I sat confused and in love, but I felt used. That night, we sat and had coffee. I was hurt, sad, and somewhat angry, but I was so happy to see you that I left it all behind me. How foolish of me. I was looking at you so deeply in love, I did not see what was in front of me, but the truth is, you only came back to get something from me. Now, I just feel sad and empty. That a vulnerability can be seen, twisted and turned, for gain, sometimes I think, is it me? Or is this the beginning of going insane?

It's hard to love again. It's hard to find a real friend. I would have given you the world, whether a lover or friend, I would have been with you until the end. In the end, that just wasn't enough. I now accept as much. I am just struggling with such dishonesty. I honestly don’t understand why. We told each other, “I love you, we walked together sharing dreams, so much intertwined like a fisherman’s knot, people would stop us, and ask us, What makes us so connected? Our walk-in step always reflected something that I thought was protected. I don’t regret it, but I now I can see we projected a scene that was not real. It was just time you were trying to fill.

As time has moved on, I have struggled to move on, alone in a direction that I do not know yet. I will eventually find the right direction to go, but please know your leaving has taken something from me forever. I will keep driving, keep striving to be a good person, I try to make people happy, so in the end, if that’s what you got, maybe I can look upon it as life gave me a tangled knot, with an untangled outcome that would always be different than what I was wishing I had got. I know, deep down, a broken heart will bend, and in the end, not everything we love can always become a friend, a soulmate, a person that can lend a shoulder when it becomes too difficult to defend ourselves against life on those days it pretends to be our friend.

It feels too painful now to carry my phone; I have disconnected myself further since you were gone. But my heart remains on hold, for a connection I now know that will never unfold, but for some reason, I still sit here, listening to illegible static that can be heard on the line, to which I am on hold.

I want to hang up, disconnect, but you have had an overwhelming effect on me; I cannot…, I cannot understand why; I cannot separate the deep emotion that keeps me frozen on this line. I thought the lord brought you into my life so you could be mine, and I could be yours, but now I sit for hours all the time, asking him what did it all mean. But all that can be seen is the flashing red light on my screen, Line engaged, call back again. So, I will be forever confused, grieving a loss.

I hope you are happy and find what it is you're looking for. I hope you are always safe and healthy, and although it probably means nothing to you lately, I remain greatly touched by our time together.

 Words By Christy Moore:

I took a job in the steamie

Down on Caldrum Street

I fell in love with a laundry girl

Who was working next to me?

We were fighting more in those days.

And tempers reached a pitch

And like a fool, I let her run.

With a rambling itch.

She was a rare thing,

Fine as a bee's wing,

So fine, a breath of wind might blow her away.